Well, no this isn't the way I would have ever expected, dreamed or sang in a Christmas Carol in how I wanted to end my year. There are just things in life that we don't get to choose that enter our lives; we choose how we are going to handle them.
This year as many were singing "I'm dreaming of a white Christmas", I was singing "I'm dreaming of getting out of Pre OP". (Not for me but my husband)
Sometimes you will find yourself in a holiday season of unexpected events. It's not the jingle bells of Christmas, it's maybe the Sirens of ambulences and fire ngines. Sometimes the Happy Holidays are really Hard Hardships that you would have never wanted to cross your path. Here I was in pre op and really squirming to get out of there and get it over with.
(Yet still in the midst of it all, some how some way, the Light of Jesus is still there comforting and encourageing us to hang on and hold tight for a miracle)
Some get their miracles, some never see their miracles transpire on this Earth.
Christmas and Holidays times find you in different places every year. One year, your single, the next, married, the next growing a family.
This year was the year my husband had a few surgeries to conquer through. He fought through some pretty painful years to finally end him up here: Pre OP
This year as many were singing "I'm dreaming of a white Christmas", I was singing "I'm dreaming of getting out of Pre OP". (Not for me but my husband)
Sometimes you will find yourself in a holiday season of unexpected events. It's not the jingle bells of Christmas, it's maybe the Sirens of ambulences and fire ngines. Sometimes the Happy Holidays are really Hard Hardships that you would have never wanted to cross your path. Here I was in pre op and really squirming to get out of there and get it over with.
(Yet still in the midst of it all, some how some way, the Light of Jesus is still there comforting and encourageing us to hang on and hold tight for a miracle)
Some get their miracles, some never see their miracles transpire on this Earth.
Christmas and Holidays times find you in different places every year. One year, your single, the next, married, the next growing a family.
This year was the year my husband had a few surgeries to conquer through. He fought through some pretty painful years to finally end him up here: Pre OP
I tell you I've never been here before. Never saw Pre op before.. Never held someone's hand through that time. It was quite an erry place to be esp. right before Christmas. I found myself really in a difficult place: wanting to be happy for Christmas but held down under anxieties. Wow. If you have ever been there, you know what an intense place it is. For me, some people were almost angels while other people acted like your enemies. Tough Tough espcially with all your emotions running.
Leaving your loved ones in the unknown is so difficult. I really had to dig deep inside and reliquish it all over to the hand of God. I had to battle all the what "ifs" that kept knocking on my heart and mind, and I had to constantly cast all my worries upon the Lord. My hubby was in the Lord's hands and whatever God wanted to do was entirely up to Him to do. I just had to wait.
Eddie surgeries went longer then expected. I kept calling the hospital asking if he was out and "Not Yet" came the reply call after call. Finally the doctor told that he need an Orthopedic Surgeon to finish the surgery because is was more difficult then evaluated, and that's why the delay.
I waited more.
Finally he was done and sent to recovery.
I waited more.
Then Some more.
Then more.
Finally, I was called to get him, but when I arrived his breathing was too shallow to leave and he was barely coherent. Seeing him with O2 in his nose and hearing the nurse yell at him to breath was difficult. He was in La La land and wasnn't coming too.
They only gave me 5 minutes with him and sent me out of the room. (talk about walking away numb. I sat and tears came down my face. I felt alone, felt worried, felt anxious, and then felt helpless and again I had to reliquish my fears to the Lord)
I waited.
I prayed. I waited. I texted for prayer. Waited.
One gentlemen who work at the hospital was so nice, careing and helpful. He told me he'd try to get me back into seeing my husband if he could.
It was hard to wait there and not be by my husband's side.
Finally after another hour or more, the miracle came.
I had just recieved a text from Eddie's sister telling Eddie to "get up NOW".
Just then the office lady waved at me,"you can go in again."
I got to see him again. This time he was better but still not full strength.
I left wondering again. There was talk of commiting to the hospital for an over night stay, but about another 45 minutes later, we were on our way home.
Leaving your loved ones in the unknown is so difficult. I really had to dig deep inside and reliquish it all over to the hand of God. I had to battle all the what "ifs" that kept knocking on my heart and mind, and I had to constantly cast all my worries upon the Lord. My hubby was in the Lord's hands and whatever God wanted to do was entirely up to Him to do. I just had to wait.
Eddie surgeries went longer then expected. I kept calling the hospital asking if he was out and "Not Yet" came the reply call after call. Finally the doctor told that he need an Orthopedic Surgeon to finish the surgery because is was more difficult then evaluated, and that's why the delay.
I waited more.
Finally he was done and sent to recovery.
I waited more.
Then Some more.
Then more.
Finally, I was called to get him, but when I arrived his breathing was too shallow to leave and he was barely coherent. Seeing him with O2 in his nose and hearing the nurse yell at him to breath was difficult. He was in La La land and wasnn't coming too.
They only gave me 5 minutes with him and sent me out of the room. (talk about walking away numb. I sat and tears came down my face. I felt alone, felt worried, felt anxious, and then felt helpless and again I had to reliquish my fears to the Lord)
I waited.
I prayed. I waited. I texted for prayer. Waited.
One gentlemen who work at the hospital was so nice, careing and helpful. He told me he'd try to get me back into seeing my husband if he could.
It was hard to wait there and not be by my husband's side.
Finally after another hour or more, the miracle came.
I had just recieved a text from Eddie's sister telling Eddie to "get up NOW".
Just then the office lady waved at me,"you can go in again."
I got to see him again. This time he was better but still not full strength.
I left wondering again. There was talk of commiting to the hospital for an over night stay, but about another 45 minutes later, we were on our way home.
In the midst of it all, I was trying to maintain a Happy Christmas for my kids while my insides were just being eaten up with hurt, confusion, and pain. Sometimes the pain is what leads us to freedom. The pain my hubby had to go through to get out of chronic pain was worth it. The pain of child bearing brings for a blessing of a family. This pain was bringing me closer to Faith, Trust, and Utter abandonment to the Lord. I was out of Control and He was completely in Control.
God still was at work.
I had a freind come to my house to bring us food during this time. She just lost her mom a few months before. I felt so humbled. Here she lost her mom, and came to minister to us. Honesly, I was starting to get weary of caregiving for my husband. God gave me a reality check that day. Was I going to let this trial beary me or bring me to freedom. I had my husband living breathing and active. Down for a moment but working towards healing. She has lost, I still was gaining. Boy, did that hit my heart.
God still was at work.
I had a freind come to my house to bring us food during this time. She just lost her mom a few months before. I felt so humbled. Here she lost her mom, and came to minister to us. Honesly, I was starting to get weary of caregiving for my husband. God gave me a reality check that day. Was I going to let this trial beary me or bring me to freedom. I had my husband living breathing and active. Down for a moment but working towards healing. She has lost, I still was gaining. Boy, did that hit my heart.
God even used Eddie to help bring me to a better understanding of it all. After his follow up visit to the drs, he was told he couldn't walk for another 2 weeks. That meant no driving, and being at the mercy of others to help him in certain areas. I was bummed. He wasn't.
I remember him saying how Thankful he was about it all.
I questioned him, "What, are you thankful for?"
"You want to know?" came the reply.
"Yes, list them all," I said.
"For one, God is taking care of us. For second, though I can't walk, my body isn't in the pain it used to be....", on and on he went. With every thankful thought, my heart grew softer and softer.
What did I have to be bitter over? Why did I feel so hurt by the process? Honestly, maybe I was just exhuasted with doing so much. I've since learned, that this really was a time to reflect and be thankful for what God has done.
Sometimes we just need to be thankful for what we didn't endure, not for just what we do endure. I had my husband were others lost theirs. I had my kids around me, where others didn't get to see them. I had a roof over my head, where others don't. I had sounds of Christmas Joy in our hearts, where others have never known those sounds.
I am still working on getting past the uncomfortablity of it all and just to be thankful we made it thorough this valley.
Although, my hubby is still recoverying, I am thankful he's grateful and feeling better.
Just know, no matter how Christmas found you, Jesus loves you and cares about where you are in life. No problem to big or small nothing is insignificant for the Lord to hear and handle.
I pray your New Year finds you with a Renewed Hope in Jesus.
Blessings
I remember him saying how Thankful he was about it all.
I questioned him, "What, are you thankful for?"
"You want to know?" came the reply.
"Yes, list them all," I said.
"For one, God is taking care of us. For second, though I can't walk, my body isn't in the pain it used to be....", on and on he went. With every thankful thought, my heart grew softer and softer.
What did I have to be bitter over? Why did I feel so hurt by the process? Honestly, maybe I was just exhuasted with doing so much. I've since learned, that this really was a time to reflect and be thankful for what God has done.
Sometimes we just need to be thankful for what we didn't endure, not for just what we do endure. I had my husband were others lost theirs. I had my kids around me, where others didn't get to see them. I had a roof over my head, where others don't. I had sounds of Christmas Joy in our hearts, where others have never known those sounds.
I am still working on getting past the uncomfortablity of it all and just to be thankful we made it thorough this valley.
Although, my hubby is still recoverying, I am thankful he's grateful and feeling better.
Just know, no matter how Christmas found you, Jesus loves you and cares about where you are in life. No problem to big or small nothing is insignificant for the Lord to hear and handle.
I pray your New Year finds you with a Renewed Hope in Jesus.
Blessings
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